complications of the heart.

so i watched an episode of OPRAH

and she had a guest which was mr barrack obama

one of the senator in US

he believes in an individual should think

how they are useful to others

rather than think of how others are useful to them.



somehow i found his words intriguing...

u see,when i was growing up

my mother always make sure that we learn

learn almost about anything possible

so that we will be able to become

a "useful" being [or so she calls it]

therefore i have become

one who will always try the best

to ease up other people's life

to the extend that

i think i am a doormat

where everyone can step on me

and wipe off all the dirt those people have on their feet

and i am just another accessory

which is not important until it is actually needed.

yeah,there. i said it.

again some might think

"oh~ there she goes again..thinking too much"

yadayadayada

but this time is no longer the mind's doing

it is the HEART

i consider myself as quite good-natured

notice that i use the word *quite*

as i have gone through several moments

of cursing+ill thoughts+paranoia

now, i would like to stop being the doormat

i want to be selfish..

in a way that i will no longer feel like

i am being used for the advantage of other people
wipe your feet somewhere else, sucker!!!